on connection (10/3)

If there’s one word to sum up most of the world’s problems, or at least, most of the world’s problems in the modern era, it’s disconnect: “a failure of two things to relate”, to have any sort of empathy towards another.

Take these examples:

  • Politics: issues are created by the disconnect between politicians and citizens, or disconnect between citizens themselves.

  • Finances: the disconnect between what we can afford/what we make and what society demands of us is simply another way to define poverty.

  • Climate change: defined by the disconnect between what the planet needs and what the world is willing to give the planet.

So why not just take the rational solution and bridge the gap? Why not just tame expectations, or change societal norms, to fix these disconnects?

The answer, as it turns out, is perhaps as complex as the human psyche itself. We seem to have a perverse fascination with these disconnects, a sort of societal Stockholm syndrome where we've fallen in love with the very things that hold us captive.

Consider the disconnect between our online personas and our real selves. We claim to despise the fakeness of social media, yet we continue to curate our digital lives with the precision of the Smithsonian. Or the disconnect between our values and our actions. We'll post or speak out constantly about ethical consumption, rallying for environmental protection while driving our SUVs to the protest. We’ve essentially mastered the art of tuning out our cognitive dissonance-not necessarily something to herald.

Yet, not all of the disconnects we’ve become familiar with are entirely negative. Take these examples of some that may have some benefit, or some pleasure, associated with them:

  • Film: disconnect between the plot of the film and reality helps to ensure that we all can enjoy the film without taking ourselves too seriously.

  • Comedy: essentially ruled by the disconnect between the audience’s expectations and the punchline that immediately upends them.

  • Love: the disconnect between rational thoughts and unbridled emotional responses is perhaps the most joyous of all of these instances, and one which we are perhaps the most familiar with.

It's a cruel irony, in a way. The way that we're so adept at maintaining disconnects that bring us joy, yet so inept at bridging those that cause harm. We revel in the disconnect between expectation and reality in our entertainment, yet struggle to address the same gap in our societal structures.

Sartre notes it perfectly: “Whatever contradictions in society I discerned, I got from noting the difference between what people said and what they did.” The gap, the disconnect, is not just our greatest challenge, but simultaneously our greatest opportunity for growth. The tragedy lies not in their existence, but in our failure to recognize them, to catalyze them for something good.

Until we grasp this dual nature of disconnects - as both obstacle and opportunity - we'll remain caught in a cycle of unconscious self-sabotage, forever grappling with the very thing that makes us human.

Overlook this paradox, and we birth a new disconnect–one separated from the very things that define us.